The Origin of Chapstick The old cowhand came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day. The local sheriff watched from his chair in front of the saloon as the Cowboy wearily dismounted and tied his horse to the rail a few feet in front of the sheriff. "Howdy, stranger..." "Howdy, Sheriff..." The cowboy then moved slowly to then back of his horse, lifted its tail, and placed a big kiss were the sun don't shine. He dropped the horse's tail, stepped up on the walk, and aimed towards the swinging doors of the saloon. "Hold on, Mister..." "Sheriff?" "Did I just see what I think I just saw?" "Reckon you did, Sheriff...I got me some powerful chapped lips..." "And that cures them?" "Nope, but it keeps me from lickin' em!

Run one lap around the office at top speed Groan out loud in the bathroom cubicle (at least one other 'no-player'must be in the bathroom at the time) Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye" To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace. When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper huskily,"Mmmmmmm, that feels soooooo good!" Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way" Walk sideways to the photocopier. While riding an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open. Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask "You wanna trade?" Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now"

1. Vary your vehicle’s speed inversely with the speed limit. 2. Roll down your windows and blast talk radio. Attempt to head bang. 3. At stop lights, eye the person in the next car suspiciously. With a look of fear, lock your doors. 4. Two words: Chicken suit. 5. Write the words “Help me” on your back window in red paint. The more it looks like blood, the better. 6. Have conversations, looking periodically at the passenger seat, when driving alone. 7. Laugh a lot. A whole lot. 8. Stop at the green lights. 9. Go at the red ones. 10. Occasionally wave a stuffed animal/troll doll/Barbie out your window or sunroof. Feel free to make it dance. 11. Eat food that requires silverware. 12. Pass cars, then drive very slowly. 13. Sing without having the radio on. 14. Honk frequently without motivation. 15. Wave at people often. If they wave back, offer an angry look and an obscene gesture. 16. Ask people for Grey Poupon. 17. Let pedestrians know who’s boss. 18. Look behind you frequently, with a very paranoid look. 19. Restart your car at every stop light. 20. Hang numerous car-fresheners in the rear-view mirror. Talk to them, stroking them lovingly. 21. Lob burning things in the windows of smokers who throw their butts out the window. 22. While stopped at a light, piss out the window/sunroof onto other cars. 23. Paint your car with occult symbols. 24. Keep at least five cats in the car. 25. Have some passengers in the back who are having wild, noisy sex. 26. Root (cheer, not snuffle in the mud) for fire trucks. 27. Stop and collect road kill. 28. Stop and pray to road kill. 29. Throw Spam. 30. Get in the fast lane and gradually...slow...down... to a stop. Then get out and watch the cars.